The Nutshot Warriors

Updated: Feb 27

Everyone has their non-stop laugh-fest campaign. Those games are some of the best since no matter what seems to happen something hilarious always seems to occur. They tend to be short and sweet but my word are they fun and always a good laugh to tell others. For me, my go-to campaign for laughs was a three-session campaign I lovingly call the nutshot campaign. This campaign used the rule from Palladium Fantasy so unlike DND there was a higher focus on called shots (aimed attacks) and armor does take damage if hit until it is completely worn out and useless.


Like almost every campaign everything started as normal. The players were me, and two of my friends all teenagers with the DM being my father. The settings were mid-evil fantasy tundra where of course we were from a small village. Our three characters were pretty basic with one being a warrior, one being a scout, and one striving to be a soldier. Our backstories were nothing extravagant. Just three friends with dreams of glory and exploration.


Our first session mostly spent doing character creation and a light covering of the background where we moved from our small town to a large one where there were more quests and just general things to do. By the end of the session, we took a small quest to take out a small group of bandits.


The second session started with finding the bandits. It was a group of five that must have just started so their equipment wasn't that great. While going to be a tricky fight for level one's it was doable as longs you were careful and rolled well.


Well, that's the exact opposite of what happened. We tried to be careful but failed all rolls of trying to sneak for an ambush. Nothing catastrophic but enough for us to lose our advantage. We started the general brawl and even though we were slightly outnumbered we had the advantage of slightly better equipment and armor. Despite that, we were losing badly. Every strike was being blocked by the enemy but we could not do the same. Thankfully while we were failing to block the attacks the enemies' luck was great ether as all of the attacks were taken by the armor.


We knew our armor wasn't going to last the punishment much longer. It was looking like a player wipe on our very first fight! I don't remember which friend it was but one of them decided to just say f*** it and did a call shot to the enemy's nuts. A hail merry if there was one. As he rolled the god of dice must have found the strike so hilarious that he blessed the die to land on a natural 20! One shotting the bandit in a horrible and glorious fashion that had us dying in laughter for a good five minutes.


Taking this a sign we other two followed suit and also called aim shot to the enemys' nuts. While we did not get another natural 20 for that fight, suddenly all our shots hit. Rolling right along we ended the fight by taking out all the bandits with called shots to the nuts and non-stop laughing.


As this was just the start of the session we had enough time to go back to the main town and take another quest for another small group of bandits camped up a fair bit way in the opposite direction of the first group. Before we headed off, we bought some slightly better swords and daggers along with a new set of low-end hide armor since the first sets were in tatters.


The second fight of the night had a group of six bandits that were better armed than the first. No doubt our DM was planning on us taking the situation carefully as there were ways to approach stealthily and lay traps or lure one or two away. Of course, we didn't do any of that. High off our first win and without any communication, we somehow all agreed to go with the same strategy. We charged straight in and promptly started declaring aimed shots to the nuts. The god of dice must have not abandoned us as our rolls were high and theirs was low ending what was suppose to be a decent fight into nothing more than a few turns of stabbing and screaming. Ending the night in more laughter to the point that we three were holding our sides. We had decided the name of the trio that night was the Nutshot Warriors.


The third session started with another fight. Unlike the first two, it was not from a quest but instead was a group of eight bandits returning and then wanting revenge for their comrades. It is only with hindsight that I can see this fight was a test from my merciful father. He gave us this fight to be difficult but also serve as a test to see if we have decided to drop the nutshot joke as it had by now long run its course. A test that we proudly failed. Despite this, we did win the fight using our strategy without too much wear on our equipment and were ready to keep going with it for as many fights as possible. It was with this failure that the fate of our characters was sealed, the infamous party wipe.


As we moved through the tundra, back to the main base town we had to move through a tunnel through a small hill. We had come through that very same tunnel so none of us was on guard. Halfway through the tunnel, we ran into a beast. The beast stood on all fours and was eight feet tall at the shoulder. Completely covered in fur we could not make out any features besides powerful limbs and claws. There was no chance to sneak or even runway. As soon as we saw it and it saw us it attacked.


To say the fight was brutal was an understatement. Our go-to strategy couldn't be applied and as we found it could do massive damage. The fur was so thick that it worked as natural armor. We had to roll a 17 or higher just to do any damage! Without our strategy, our rolls began to fail. At the end of the long and hard fight, we managed to win, slaying the beast. But the cost was heavy. One character was outright killed. The other two were heavily wounded with one missing all the fingers on his dominant hand. He had rolled not one but two critical failures in a row causing him to drop his sword and then try to catch it by grabbing the blade as hard as he could serving the fingers.


The two tried to make it back to town. They had taken the time to do enough first-aid that they weren't going to die soon but if not brought to a healer they would. But no, the god of our game had decided that we would die and die we shall! We hadn't even got fully out of the tunnel when we heard the roar of another beast. As we started to do what at best could be described as a run or more like falling forward the two characters looked over their shoulders.


Charging them with seeming impossible speed was another one of the beasts only much larger and much more pissed off. We all knew what was happening. The mate had returned, found the dead body, and was now coming for revenge. The fight didn't even last a full round before the two were turned into monster food. Only a more fitting end for the trio would have been if they had been killed by the same strategy they had employed.


While I have had a few games that were quite funny, I have yet to have one that was such die-hard laughing as this one. We weren't even mad that the characters died as after the fight we did realize the joke had gone on too long. So as you do on the next session started yet more new characters and a whole new story. Now that I have told you mine, what campaign is your go-to laugh fest? I can't wait to hear it and have a good laugh with you.

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